wasteland of perhaps
by kathleenfergie
Summary: "Is there a father I have to worry about bonding with too?" Lily asks. / "Ah, not exactly," Mal replies vaguely. / "She's yours, you know," Mal blurts. / "Thank you, but I do have eyes." Regina rolls said dark chocolate orbs. / (4b canon divergence, oneshot)


i was up all night. i started by reading pregnancy fics, stumbled across "To Dream" by Racethewind_10, had my heart broken, then decided i needed to write some mama mal with hints of dragon queen and swan queen. this is possibly the gayest thing i have ever written

lily might be a little ooc but like i barely remember her character bc she was there and gone so quickly. whatever i like the way i wrote her. but yeah i am pleased with this one

title is from "we exist in this wasteland of perhaps, but darling, sometimes almost is enough" by j.s. on tumblr

don't own shit. i wish i was a dragon

* * *

"She looks like _me_ ," Mal breathes, unaware that she's proclaiming it to the Charmings whilst running head first toward her daughter in dragon form. And she does, she's beautiful and real and everything Mal could have hoped, if not a little fucked up and victim to the burdens that come with an Enchanted Forest birth. Mal can't help but be a little breathless and terrified.

She's a little more frightened when the two of them are shoulder to shoulder on the damp grass, silent as Lily picks at her bloodied knuckles and Mal's heart flutters. It's hard not to look at her, the older woman's eye flicking toward Lily every other quiet moment.

"Is there a father I have to worry about bonding with too?" Lily asks, the ire in her voice all too familiar.

"Ah, not _exactly_ ," Mal replies vaguely, cheeks pinking. It had been a secret for so long, one she'd never bothered to clarify. Ursula and Cruella had inquired after daughter's parentage and made their own guesses, but Mal had kept it inside, small smiles sent her companions' way as they pulled names from the air.

"Figures," Lily huffs, pulling herself from the ground, the wince in her shoulders unmistakable for pain.

"Let me heal your hands," Mal begs, standing as well. She peels off a glove and stretches a thin hand toward her daughter. "Please."

"Nah, I need a souvenir. First flight, and all."

* * *

"There's something I'd like to show you," the sheriff tells her awkwardly, the shorter blonde wringing her hands together while she leaned against one of the station's desks. She doesn't explain anything beyond that, pulling a chair out for the witch and going to flick the lights off.

Emma curls both legs under her as she settles into a chair, remote in hand. Mal understands the schematics of VCRs, but as to why she's in front of one with Snow White's daughter is a mystery. The Saviour clicks a few buttons and static appears on the screen, the time and date on the bottom right.

Images start to appear, starting with two young girls giggling and pulling silly expressions, the camera too close to their bright faces.

"Is that?" She struggles to get the question out, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Lily, yeah," Emma says sadly.

"And you."

"Yeah. And me." There is something Mal can't decipher in the younger woman's eyes, but she can't help but focus her attention back on the image of her daughter. The scene changes and Emma plays with the machine again, fast-forwarding through a foster home and a couple scenic shots she'd taken, thinking wistfully that she could do something with it one day. She plays the tape again when Lily's face comes on screen, her hair longer and face slightly chiseled.

It's a quiet clip, young Emma silent behind the camera as she films Lily from the other end of her small bed. She's listening to music and writing in a journal, but Mal watches as she plays with something around her neck. It catches the light briefly and she can see the ridges of raised symbols, dragon script.

Lily had told her about the necklace, how she'd worn it her entire life, and Mal's heart tightened.

A brighter shot then, Lily running through long grass, the summer sun beating down on her dark hair. She looks back at the camera, smiling but clearly embarrassed, a hand covering one cheek. Emma's fingers reach out to swat the hand away and Lily laughs, running again.

There's only one more and it's of the same genre, but this time young Emma's resting her head on Lily's shoulder, the two girls talking softly. They bicker about the presence of the camera but Emma shushes the other, headbutting her affectionately. Lily steals the glasses off Emma's face and the clip ends with the camera being dropped onto the bed, screaming laughter and the sound of feet against floorboards heard from the background. Static whirrs again and Mal exhales deeply.

"That's all I have. I can make you a copy if you want." The woman is clearly uncomfortable, her voice catching in her throat and her eyes a little wet. She flicks her gaze over to Maleficent briefly, finding the usually cold woman looking at her somewhat sympathetically. "I loved her, alright. She, uh, she was my first love. I've got a couple polaroids too."

"Thank you, very much, Emma." Mal said sincerely. She pauses briefly, weighing whether or not to continue, but decides that the Saviour has earned her kindness. "What your parents did to her is not your fault and I will never blame you or harm the ones you hold dear because of what they did."

"Good." Emma nodded her head, brow furrowing. She feels like vomiting. "Thanks, too."

* * *

"She's yours, you know," Mal blurts before sipping from her hot mug, looking up at Regina through her lashes. The brunette sitting across from her doesn't do anything drastic and Mal takes that as potentially good or bad.

"Thank you, but I _do_ have eyes." Regina rolls said dark chocolate orbs and leans back on her bench, the old booth groaning. "Does Lilith know?"

"Probably, but we haven't discussed it. She's not too interested in the topic and I don't fancy having Dragon Age: The Talk with her. There's a lot of weird egg details that I'm not sure she's ready to deal with. Plus, it's easier to accidentally impregnate one's self when you know exactly how."

"Is there a manual for me to skim through, just so I can fully understand how I magically impregnated you?" Regina smirks and Mal chuckles quietly.

She is nothing like the bright young woman that Mal used to watch in her sleep, tracing the peaks of her face in the darkness. She wasn't the witch who had made her quiver from the weight of love and pleasure, nor was she the lover who Mal's ancient magic had deemed an acceptable mate. But she was definitely something and Mal smiled into her mug at that.

"How's the temper?" Regina asks after a comfortable silence, sipping her own drink.

"Extreme, but she's working on it. She's not interested in staying in Storybrooke long-term, but there's only so much I can do for her outside of the magical barrier." Mal played with her gloves, the smooth leather soothing against her skin. "The pro of non-magical spaces is while the dragon is alive inside her now, she won't burst into flames during an angry spell, but it could destroy her if she ever accidentally found herself in a magical area. The pent up primal energy would be too much."

"You know I could help you with this."

"Yes, _I_ do, but Lily is far from the trustworthy sort. She's only partially comfortable around me, even now." Mal sighed. "She'd have to get comfortable around your magic first, as it's uniquely different from dragon magic,"

"Are we going to start having Charming style family dinners every Sunday?" Regina eyed her with disdain, the golden family leaving a bad taste in Mal's mouth.

"No," Mal says a little too quickly, but Regina doesn't react. "We'll start with coffee, a movie, or something. Maybe you can tell her about your bloody reign; she likes violence."

"That's not exactly the impression I'd like to leave," Regina muttered. "I'll just pull up some embarrassing memories of you."

"I have _far_ worse on you, your majesty," Mal challenged and Regina's face broke into a smile, white teeth and plum lips captivating.

"My twenty-seventh birthday?" Regina prompted, brow raised and eyes twinkling. "I wish I'd had a camera to record you and your drunken dragon ass.

"Ah, yes. Wine and flying do not mix.

* * *

Regina's hands are clenched together as she waits at an outside table at Granny's, the spring breeze floating past her. She deliberately sat with her back to the gate so that she wouldn't be tempted to watch the streets for mother and daughter.

The pair finds her soon enough and Ruby is floating around them with pre-ordered drinks, clicking her tongue at the lousy tip before taking her long form back inside. Mal crosses one leg over the other elegantly, leaning back casually as she watches the other two. Lily is sitting with her legs spread wide, torso slumped, with the warm paper cup resting in her hands as she stared pointedly at Regina. While her looks carried so much of her mothers', the complete lack of queenly etiquette was her tell. Regina was reminded painfully of Emma Swan, the clumsy woman anything but a proper princess.

"Hey there, daddio," Lily deadpans and Mal exhales heavily, forehead resting in her palm.

"Thank you, Lilith," she remarked.

"Always," the younger woman said, taking a sip from her coffee. She looked back at Regina and her eyes narrowed. "Thanks for saving me back when Emma was pretty set on shooting me. Bullets hurt."

"You're welcome," Regina replied, somewhat baffled as how to communicate with her.

"You two banging yet?" Lily asked nonchalantly, eyes focused on the brunette.

"Your mother and I or Emma Swan?"

"Emma," she clarified and Regina let out a sigh. Though there would always be weird, energetic tension between her and Mal, the idea of becoming her lover again wasn't up for discussion.

"Emma is in a committed relationship at the moment."

"Eh, just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score."

" _Gods_ , Lily," Mal cried.

"What?" She held up her free hand in defense. "I gotta know. I watched the two of them make puppy eyes at each other all the way to Storybrooke and I'm a sucker for a story.

"Plus, I was the first person to ever go down on Emma Swan. I deserve an update."

* * *

"Henry?" Regina calls when she arrives home. He's usually sat at the kitchen island after school, books and a snack spread in front of him. She catches him scarfing down a pb+j. "Does Emma make...puppy eyes at me?"

"Yes," he replies simply without looking up from his math homework. "You've both been doing it since Neverland."

"Gods," she cursed, resting her head against the granite countertop.

"Yeah, it's pretty gross."

" _Thank_ you, Henry."

* * *

"I swear to god if you tell me to breathe one more time I'm going to singe you," Lily growled at Regina as she lay flat on the floor of the queen's vault. "I've got asthma, it's a little difficult sometimes."

"I'm trying to make it so that you don't breathe fire on every person that gets too close to you. Young dragons don't possess the control to keep their fire tethered solely to their dragon form. I'm going to do that for you, but I need you to _breathe_." Regina snapped and the candles around the two of them flickered to life. "You have to focus, Lily. Let your magic touch the candle flames and then breathe them in."

"Last time Mal let me play with fire I destroyed her favourite suit. How attached are you to those pumps?"

"Very, so _focus_ , please, Lilith," Regina commanded, the light cast by the candles wavering violently as Lily closed her eyes and forced herself to take deep breaths. Regina waved a delicate hand to steady them, the woman below her glowing slightly as her magic crackled around her body. She remembered Mal's magic doing the same when she was relaxed, her aura warm and inviting.

Eventually, a strand connected with a candle and Lily's chest filled, her mouth opening wide to breathe in the orange flames. Regina crouched, a hand gently closing Lily's jaw before resting against her chest. Her palm grew hot, from both her own magic and the heat inside of the dragon next to her.

After several quiet incantations and Regina's index finger ghosting dragon script over Lily's chest, the woman's eyes flew open, the golden gleam of dragon transformation coming and going quickly. Regina let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding and helped the younger woman sit up.

"I see that your shoes are still intact," Lily commented smugly.

"Yes, thank you for not going Super Saiyan on me," Regina replied.

"Please don't tell me you watched _Dragon Ball Z_ with Emma, because I think I _actually_ will vomit." Lily faked a dry heave and the older brunette pinched her nose. She weighed telling the truth and agreeing with her daughter or lying and using her teenage son as her excuse. "Oh my god, you totally did. How much did she beg because I had to be bribed with a different chocolate bar for every episode that I suffered through.

"And that was like twenty years ago. Candy back then was scarce for poor teenagers."

"What Emma ropes me into doing is none of your business," Regina told her, avoiding eye contact. She didn't miss Lily's snort at her choice of words, however.

Regina waves a hand and sets the supplies back into their homes, clearing the floor of chalk lines.

"So," Lily begins, perching cross legged on a trunk. "Did you knock up Mal and leave her to dry or was it a too little, too late kind of deal? You two break it off and she finds out she's pregnant after the fact?"

"The latter is probably a better answer, but it was not a mutual separation." Regina hummed to herself and found herself a spot to sit, crossing her expensively covered legs. "I had just begun my final rampage against Snow White at that point and was wildly out of my mind. Mal tried to bring me back from all of it, but my bloodlust was too strong.

"You were born before Emma, so she had to have been pregnant long before your mother left me. It was ultimately a very smart decision, as I'm sure if you'd been raised by the both of us while we were still very evil and damaged, you would be worse off than you are now. But I didn't know until I saw your face on those old videos from Emma after learning you were Mal's."

"She told me a little of what you were like back in the Enchanted Forest. Some days I like to use that to justify why I'm so goddamn insane, but it's tough to know in my heart that it's because the Charmings decided Emma was the more important one." Lily knit her fingers together and rested her chin against them. "I've murdered them enough in my head and set an ample amount of forest fires that I'm mostly over it."

"I got over my own trauma by actually murdering people, so I'm glad that you haven't gotten to that point."

"Me too. Prison sucks. I'd get myself killed in my sleep."

"Indeed."

* * *

"Was that you and Miss Swan necking each other in that alcove over there?" Mal drawled as Regina slid into the booth her and Lily had set up camp in. Emma followed behind her minutes later, oblivious to the comment and looking freshened up. Regina decided to ignore it, instead calling Ruby over.

"So, Emma," Lily spoke first after the wolf was gone and everyone sitting at the table knew that meant no good. "Who's a better kisser? Me or my mom?"

Regina choked on her coffee and Mal simply sighed, pursing her lips.

"I prefer not to comment," a very pink Emma Swan squawked.


End file.
